


Feel something again

by yuto_da



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Tumblr Post, Clueless Archie Andrews, F/M, Horny Teenagers, Hurting!Kevin, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I need JoaKev again, Jealous! Joaquin, Kevin/Joaquin centric, M/M, Minor Betty Cooper/Veronica Lodge, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Archie Andrews, Protective Veronica Lodge, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Tinder, kevin keller needs love, others are bc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-04 07:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12766374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuto_da/pseuds/yuto_da
Summary: Because, they didn’t understand him. None of them did. Not Betty, his best friend since he could remember, not Archie, or Veronica or Jughead, all new friends he’d made in the span of a few months. Not a single one of the most important people in his life truly understood what he was going through, and Kevin was all too aware of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kevin hasn't been quite the same since Joaquin left. He's engaging in relations with people he doesn't know at odd locations at all hours of the night. He's different, and not in the good way.
> 
>  
> 
> For y'all who skipped the summary this is what this hastily written, barely comprehensible fic is about. Kevin is acting weird, and the gang notices it. Based off the episode where Moose got shot, i don't remember which one, sue me.
> 
> Comment and let us discuss how Joaquin need to come back hoooooomeeee!!

Betty, Veronica, Jughead, and even Archie had all noticed it.

They all saw it when he excused himself in between their meetings, going out for something yet never returning.

They saw it when Betty found out about his late-night jogs through the woods.

It was obvious when he showed up to school the next day with hickies littering his neck, turning the usually milky skin into a glaringly obvious purple and blue bruise.

They all saw it, and they knew it was wrong, that it would lead him down an irreversible path, but they also knew they couldn’t help.

Because, they didn’t understand him. None of them did. Not Betty, his best friend since he could remember, not Archie, or Veronica or Jughead, all new friends he’d made in the span of a few months. Not a single one of the most important people in his life truly understood what he was going through, and Kevin was all too aware of it.

“Kevin!” Betty yelled out, and ran up to the larger male. She stopped a few feet in front of him and tilted her head up to look her best friend in the eye.

“Where were you yesterday? I called you but you didn’t pick up.“

Kevin’s eyes widened in realization and he nodded once. “Yeah, I saw your call when I woke up..I forgot to call you back...” He winced and offered Betty a half smile, “Sorry about that.”

“Its okay,” Betty followed suit once Kevin turned away and began walking towards his class. “But...you were..asleep?”

“Yeah, I was exhausted yesterday.” Kevin chuckled and said, “I didn’t even make it to the bed. I just fell asleep almost instantly on the couch.”

“Dad found me there and made me go up to bed at midnight.”

Betty let out a sound caught between a laugh, a sigh and a release of air. She looked down at her denim shoes before looking ahead, trying to figure out how she could ask Kevin what had been bugging her for weeks without offending him.

“So...that’s all you did? You just slept?” She chose to start slow and try easing him into the question rather than just springing it on him. “You didn’t do anything else?”

Kevin threw his best friend a strange look. “What else would I be doing?”

“I don’t know,” Betty shrugged, “Maybe...going for a jog?”

Kevin halted and turned to look down at Betty. “What are you trying to say, Betty?”

Berry stopped as well and adjusted her bag. She shifted the grip she had on the bag and hiked it higher on her shoulder. Betty looked at a passing student from the corner of her eye, before turning away and facing Kevin.

“Are you meeting up with guys in the woods?”

Kevin was taken aback by Betty’s outrageous question, and was left speechless. He stared at her, eyebrows raised high, and after a few seconds of staring, unblinkingly at Betty, Kevin said, “What if I am?”

Kevin didn’t wait for Betty’s response and continued walking, but Betty, undeterred, followed behind and begin interrogating Kevin about his personal life.

“That’s dangerous, Kevin!” She began, “You can’t be going out in the woods alone, especially since there’s a...” She halted and warily looked at their surroundings, which served to piss Kevin off even further.

“Since there’s a what, Betty?” Kevin said, voice louder than necessary and most definitely gathering unwanted attention, but Kevin didn’t care and continued, “Since there’s a serial killer on the loose? Since the black hood is somewhere out there, waiting for his next victim?”

Betty shushed him but it was too late, the damage was already done, and the entire student population aimlessly sitting on the steps, or standing out of their classrooms, and the students passing them by had all stopped and were watching the potentially violent interaction.

Kevin hiked his old bag up on his shoulder and stood tall, using his height as an advantage to look down on Betty, he said, “Even if I am going there, that is none of your business, Betty. Stop using my romantic life as an excuse to avoid your own problems.”

Kevin turned and walked away for the third time, and this time, Betty didn’t follow behind.

* * *

“Kevin said that?” Veronica asked, her perfectly-done eyebrows raised high in a look of shock and confusion.

Betty nodded. “Yeah, he said I shouldn’t use his romantic life an excuse to avoid my own.”

Archie whistled lowly and tugged on his faded blue jacket collar. “Never thought I’d see Kevin get angry at Betty.”

Veronica nudged him with her elbow and gestured for him to keep quiet.

“That’s just it, Arch...” Betty looked up from her tray and at her two best friends, “He wasn’t angry...he was..defensive. As if there was something he was hiding and he didn’t want me to know.”

“Well, yeah,” Archie said, “I mean he is meeting up with strangers in the woods when there’s a serial killer running wild. I don’t think there’s anyone who would want their friends to know about that.”

Veronica ignored her boyfriend’s statement and said instead, “Maybe he isn’t going to the woods? Maybe he is just going for jogs and not meeting up with strangers.”

She turned to Betty and asked, “Have you explicitly seen him going to the woods and meeting up with men?”

Betty slowly shook her head. “No...I haven’t...”

“Then there’s no proof of his odd nightly activities.” Veronica leaned back and looked at her boyfriend and her best friend. She saw their hesitant faces and added, “Come on, guys. This is Kevin we’re talking about.”

“The very same Kevin that took you,” She pointed to Archie, “to the serpents because you asked him, even though his and his boyfriend’s lives would be indanger.”

“He’s been your best friend for years, Betty,” Veronica turned to the blonde girl, “You two have more history than I could even imagine. Can’t you give him the benefit of the doubt, and believe that Kevin wouldn’t do something so irrational?”

Betty looked away from Veronica and down at her tray. She knew there was more than adequate sense in Veronica’s words, and it would be the right thing to give Kevin the benefit of the doubt, but there was a nagging voice in her mind, calling out to her, telling her Kevin was lying for unknown reasons, and Betty couldn’t just let it go. This was Kevin, her best friend since they were old enough to know what being best friends meant. He meant too much to her, and if he was in danger or something worse, Betty vowed to help him, even if he didn’t want her to.

“Yeah,” Betty smiled and looked at Veronica and Archie, “You’re right, V.”

Veronica smiled, relieved she got Betty to try, and re-arranged her posture. She sat up tall, and flicked her dark hair over shoulder and offered Betty and Archie a wide smile. 

“Now, let’s eat. I’m absolutely starving!” 

Betty and Archie laughed but followed suit, and dug into their lunches, all the while unknowing of the thoughts running amuck in Betty’s mind.

* * *

Kevin, after his explosion in the hallway, avoided making contact with Betty, or Veronica or Archie. He knew Betty wouldn’t be able to keep their fight from the couple, and he didn’t feel like taking Veronica’s silent judgement and questioning in addition to Archie’s open...everything.

As such, Kevin had to resort to rather foolish methods of avoiding the trio. At the end of his second class, Kevin had had to ask a random student whom he’d never once interacted with before to leave the class first and check on either hallway if he could see Veronica, Betty or Archie.

That method, however humiliating, proved effective as he’d somehow, by the Lord’s good graces, managed to avoid bumping with the trio, and at long last, it was nearing the end of his class and soon after, Kevin would be able to escape from the school, undetected.

He could hardly wait, and kept anxiously glancing at the clock mounted on the wall above the blackboard. His impatient actions proved useless and somehow made the uncontrolled movement of time slow down till a mere second felt like it took seven years to pass.

Kevin was, thankfully, restrained from glancing up at the clock when his teacher, a kind but stern middle aged woman, called him out and asked if he had any plans post-class, seeing as his eyes were restless and refused to focus on the board.

Kevin, ashamed, denied fervently and promised to focus on the class. The woman gave him a stern glare but turned away and went on to finish the class. 

Kevin held himself together to hold back the leap of joy building inside him once the bell signalling the end of all classes rung. Students filed out, barely taking a second to listen to the teacher’s parting words before packing up their things and exiting the class. Kevin followed after them and used the flurry of teenagers as a diversion to sneakily escape the school building and speedily walk back to his house.

* * *

Kevin got home and and went up the stairs to drop off his bag and change out of his clothes. He considered taking a shower, but chose to postpone it till he was done with his run. 

Kevin tugged his shirt off his body and tossed it into the hamper to be washed later. He walked to his closet and opened the door, peering inside, he flickered through several different shirts and settled on a light blue tracksuit. It was light, flexible, breathable, and would be perfect for his run.

Kevin removed his pants and changed into the tracksuit and went to grab something light to eat before wearing his sneakers and going out. He grabbed two bananas and went back upstairs. He sat down at his desk and peeled one banana and took a large bite out of it.

He looked at his closed computer and felt the temptation creep up on him. He felt his resolve wavering with the longer sat there, staring at the laptop, and before he could stop himself, Kevin took the laptop and turned it on.

He logged into his account and immediately went to the message he’d sent to Joaquin.

Kevin clicked on his message and read the details behind it, and was disappointed to see the message hadn’t been delivered, let alone read.

Kevin sighed and tried to ignore the disappointment and hurt in his chest. He closed the tab and closed the screen of his laptop. Kevin tried to cheer himself up with less depressing thoughts, and only managed to make himself feel worse as all his thought somehow drifted back to Joaquin.

Kevin finished the banana and took the other one, and did the same to it. He chewed the starchy, plantain and stood up from the chair. Kevin swallowed the piece of banana and left his room, heading downstairs to throw away the yellow peels before going back in and taking socks and his running shoes.

Kevin left the house and wore his shoes on the porch, before standing up tall and descending the steps and beginning his run, all the while he futilely tried to clear his mind of the dark-haired male, who blew into his life and left the exact same way, only when he left he took something of Kevin’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moose appears with a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord Jesus. It took me idk two-three weeks to finish one chapter, but don't worry.

Moose did not like boys.

He was absolutely certain of that; Moose Mason was not into boys. Specifically not a certain dark-haired, dorky yet _incredibly_ attractive male individual who rejected him and told him very clearly to stick to what he knows best, which was girls and not boys, because again, Moose Mason was not into boys and _definitely_ not into Kevin Keller.

Those thoughts replayed in his head over and over, like a broken record with no foreseen way to stop. Moose tried adhering to those thoughts and going out with girls -multiple girls actually- but it all failed magnificently. His thoughts, even when he was surrounded by several girls, always found their way back to the Sheriff’s son. 

Moose, naturally, did not like it and tried desperately to stop his mind. He tried bombarding his body with several different activities in poor attempt to distract his mind from Kevin and everything involving him, but as he had expected, it didn’t work and only furthered his interest.

Eventually, Moose found himself watching Kevin and looking for him in crowds and desiring his presence wherever Moose went. He searched for the smaller male on the street, during class, in the hallway etcetera.

It didn’t matter what time or where he was or what he was doing, Moose was scarily aware of his stalker-like behaviors, and even though he desperately wanted to stop and act like a normal teenage boy should, Moose didn’t know how to start.

* * *

 

“Hey, Moose!” A fellow player on the football team called out to him, and Moose turned to look at the approaching male. 

“What?” Moose asked as he hitched his bag higher on his shoulder and pocketed his hands into his varsity jacket.

“Reggie is calling for you. He’s in the locker room, told me to tell you to meet him there. Said it was important.” The male said quickly before curving around Moose and running down the hallway to his next class.

Moose watched the boy run and considered for a few moments whether to go see what Reggie wanted or to go home. Moose chose the latter and turned and walked towards the exit door, and uncaring that he had one class left before school ended, Moose walked out of Riverdale High and went in the direction of his home, the only thought in his mind was getting a few hours of shut-eye.

 

* * *

 

Moose’s eyes suddenly snapped open and looked around confusedly at his bedroom. His mind had yet to catch up to sight being provided by his eyes and he was confused for a few seconds as to where he was, why he wasn’t in his house, and why everything looked oddly familiar yet not at the same time.

A few more seconds passed before Moose’s mind processed his bedroom decor. A dozen or so shirts and jeans thrown over his couch and over his bed, some rested peacefully on his carpeted floor, buried under mounds of schoolbooks he had no intention of reading and a few stray papers.

Moose groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms harshly and ran his hands through his dark brown hair. He idly scratched at the hairs at his nape and used his other hand to throw the covers off his body.

He stood up from the bed and lazily walked to the window. Moose was still feeling hazy and forgot to check the time, but he judged from the darkness clouding over his neighborhood and sky that it was late, probably around eight or nine pm.

Moose yawned and lazily stretched his hands above his head before opening his eyes and pushing back the curtains and looking outside. He was about to close the curtain when he saw an odd shadow bobbing up and down strangely.

Moose’s haziness instantly faded away and he squinted and tried making out the shape. He could tell it was human, a human male to be exact and judging from the knee-length shorts and muscle shirt, he appeared to be jogging but Moose couldn’t discern much more than that. The man was headed up the street, where Moose’s house was located, but Moose had long since lost interest and he moved back, about to close the curtain, when his eyes focused on something on the jogger’s form.

The jogger ran past Moose’s house and Moose almost fainted. 

It was Kevin.

Kevin appeared to be going through some late-night jogs and Moose had the great fortune of waking up at the perfect time and coincidentally going to the window, and seeing the male as he ran past his house.

Moose watched the male run up past the bend leading to the other houses located near the woods and was hit by a strange, mildly stalker-ish thought, which despite his attempt to go back to sleep, he ended up following and soon, Moose found himself outside, at 9 almost 10pm looking for Kevin Keller, his unproclaimed crush.

 

* * *

 

“Where did he go?” Moose asked out-loud as he ran down a rocky, uneven trail leading through the woods. “I can’t see him anywhere.”

Moose picked up the pace and ran faster, searching wildly for any sign of the dark-haired male and getting frustrated when he saw neither hide nor hair of Kevin.

“Where the hell is he?” Moose was getting disheartened, but in the midst of the queasy feeling in his gut, he was also getting worried. Why in the sweet Lord’s name would a teenage boy, specifically the Sheriff, the highest authority in Riverdale, son be going jogging at 9 goddamned pm when there was a serial killer on the loose?

Moose considered calling out for Kevin but thought against it, he could end up attracting all sorts of weirdos towards him and further obstructing his goal of taking Kevin back to his house. 

Moose instead continued running and looking around, and eventually, thanks to his frantic back-and-forth, his eyes caught onto a certain deep sky blue jogger pant and immediately, Moose stopped, changed course and went towards the jogger, regardless of whether it was Kevin or a random stranger.

“Hey, you!” Moose called out and clapped a hand on the person’s shoulder and waited for them to turn around and face him.

The person did and Moose was unbelievably relieved to see Kevin Keller’s astonished face staring back at him.

“Moose!?” Kevin asked incredulously, and at the same time, Moose sighed and said, “There you are!”

They both stopped and Moose and Kevin opened their mouths at the same time, only to close them at the same time. Kevin opened again, and Moose followed but Kevin was faster and got the second word in.

“Why the hell are you here?” Kevin usually didn’t swear often, but being caught in a sort of compromising situation, he thought it was quite alright to remove his filter.

“I followed you here! I saw you running towards the woods at 9pm and followed you!” Moose answered and clasped a hand on Kevin’s firm bicep, “The hell is wrong with you? Why are you running this late when there is a _SERIAL KILLER,_ ” Moose kept heavy emphasis on those words, _“-_ around? To make it worse, you’re alone!”

Kevin struggled against Moose’s grip and when that failed to yield result, he dug his sport shoes into the ground and stopped Moose from taking him any further.

“What the hell? Let go of me, Moose!” Kevin exclaimed and vainly tried to free his arm but it didn’t work. Moose’s grip was incredibly firm and tight around his arm and Moose showed no signs of easing up.

“No way!” Moose retorted and tugged on Kevin’s arm, trying to get the male to move and stop acting like a child. “You’ll just run away and get yourself killed. I’m not having that. Archie will have my head if he knew I let you just run off into the woods and get killed.”

“What does Archie have to do with this?” Kevin asked, confused and irritated beyond belief. “I’m not going to get killed, Moose, now let go of me!”

Moose ignored Kevin’s words and pulled harder on Kevin. He managed to dislodge the boy and he used the opportunity to sweep Kevin off his feet and throw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Kevin would like to believe he did not screech like a banshee when his center of gravity shifted and he soon found himself six feet off the ground. He wriggled in Moose’s grip and beat against the male’s back and chest with his fists and feet respectively.

“What the hell were you doing here anyway? I didn’t see you running.” Moose began walking and went in search for any trail leading out of the woods 

“That is none of your business, now put me down!” Kevin said and continued wriggling. It didn’t do much but Kevin was determined to get down, and be treated like a damned human being, capable of walking on his own two feet and not like a spoiled brat.

“Moose Mason, I swear to everything in Riverdale that I will beat you so hard if you do not put me down right now.” Kevin threatened and waited for Moose to comply.

Moose hesitated because he’d seen what Kevin could do when he set his mind to it and he didn’t necessarily want to be at the brunt of his rage. But at the same time, he didn’t want to put the male down only for him to suddenly dash into the woods and potentially get himself killed.

“If you swear you won’t run away or try to run away, I will.” Moose compromised and tried giving Kevin the benefit of the doubt. 

Kevin rolled his eyes but agreed to it, and soon enough, his feet were firmly located into the ground and his dignity, momentarily abused and disgraced, was restored.

“You haven’t answered my question, Keller. What were you doing here?” 

“I was exercising!” Kevin said and he moved back a few steps, creating a wide breach between him and Moose. “You said you saw me didn’t you.” Kevin added as an afterthought, “Which is, by the way, incredibly creepy and stalker-like.”

“At 9pm? In the middle of the woods? Alone? When there’s a serial killer around ?” Moose didn’t believe Kevin and he crossed his arms and gave Kevin a disbelieving look. 

“Yes!” Kevin said and nearly threw his hands into the air. “I like exercising by myself and this is my usual route.”

“Yeah, but at night?” 

“I can’t very well do it in the day, now can I?”

“Uh...Actually you can. That’s the whole point of a gym. And daylight. Its there so you don’t get yourself killed by a _freaking_ serial killer.”

“He’s not going to be walking around the woods, patrolling for unsuspecting victims, is he?”

“That is what he does! That is the whole point of a freaking serial killer!” Moose felt close to tearing his hair out.

“Anyway,” Kevin changed the subject before he ended up saying anymore. “Why did you follow me?”

“What do you mean why did I follow you? Its fucking late, and you went running into the woods, of course I’d follow.”

“No, you could have just called me or called my dad and told him where I was. Instead, you got out of bed and your house and came after me, why? There was no reason for that.”

Moose could see the trap Kevin was trying to lay out for him and he didn’t know or see any method on how to avoid it, or skip around it. The only option, graciously granted by his mind, was to either deny everything and shut Kevin’s wandering thoughts completely down or to come out with the truth.

Naturally Moose chose the former. 

“Like I said, Archie would have my head if he knew. And besides, I couldn’t let a fellow classmate go into the woods all alone and just ignore them. Unlike what you hear in school, I’m not a horrible person, Keller. I can’t let you go into the woods alone.”

Moose had unknowing to him, had turned the tables back onto Kevin and suddenly kept the smaller male on the spot, for now Kevin had only two choices. 

He could either apologize for lashing out at Moose when all the male had wanted to do was prevent another murder, or he could come out with the truth and tell Moose why he was in the woods when curfew had long since passed.

Telling Moose the truth was a hundred percent not an option. Under any and all circumstances was Moose Mason not meant to find out about Kevin’s other nightly activities.

It wasn’t that Kevin was ashamed of who he was. He did feel disgusted by certain action committed by him and there were times where he’d considered staying in bed all day and just not waking up, but he wasn’t ashamed of who he was and what gender he preferred.

What he was ashamed of was the things he got to late in the night, far away from view and judging eyes, far away from the laptop sitting on his desk, casually burning a fist-size hole into Kevin’s heart with each minute that went by, but Kevin couldn’t help it.

He needed it. He needed those moments away from everything, regardless of the disturbing acts, Kevin craved for those few moments because those were the only moments he wasn’t thinking about Joaquin and how much he fucking missed him.

“I know.” Kevin said, “I know you’re not a bad person, Moose.” Kevin saw Moose’s surprised face but bowed his head and acted as if he’d not seen it and was clueless to its arrival. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you, you just caught me by surprise.”

“Its fine. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.” Moose said but before Kevin could apologize once more, Moose changed the subject and went back to his original question. “You haven’t answered my question, Keller. What were you doing out here?”

Moose looked at their surroundings and had to resist a shudder. 

“I...” Kevin looked nervous and began refusing to meet Moose’s eyes. A blatantly obvious sign that he was lying, or was about to lie.

“I was going for a run and then I took a shortcut through the woods.” Kevin said, “That’s all.”

Moose did not and could not believe Kevin’s words but he held his tongue. He didn’t have clear cut proof that Kevin was lying, and he knew if he went any further he would only anger the dark-haired male and so, he kept quiet and said to Kevin, “Yeah, sure. Can we leave this place now? Its creepy.”

“Are you scared, Mason?” Kevin asked with a smirk but he began walking and led them out of the woods. 

Moose walked behind Kevin and rolled his eyes at Kevin’s response. “Of course not. I just don’t want to be killed in the woods by the black hood or some wild animal.”

Kevin shook his head but didn’t say anything and continued walking, leading them down a rocky, rough path out of the woods.

* * *

 

“Okay...” Kevin said hesitantly, “I’ll see you at school, Moose.”

Moose nodded and waited for Kevin to walk to his house. He did after a few awkward seconds and Moose watched him go and waited to see the front door close and Kevin enter into the house before turning and going back to his house.

Moose entered his house and closed and locked the door behind him. Moose’s parents traveled a lot and were rarely around, giving Moose free range over their house. He went up the stairs, into his room and collapsed head first into his bed. 

Moose forced his mind not to think of the interaction less than an hour ago and focus on getting some sleep. He did his absolute best not to think of Kevin and how close he was to him a few minutes ago. He tried not to think of the few centimeters that separated his body and Kevin’s. He did his best not to think of how easy it would have been to pull Kevin closer and slowly kiss him, but it was useless for all his thinking and wild imagination, Moose had let Kevin walk away and had done nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's still going to come.


End file.
